I Didn’t Drink Coffee Until I Was 37

Published: 17 October 2026     Last Updated: 18 October 2026     Categories: Personal

I’m 37 years old (I actually had to check that LOL), which apparently makes me somewhere in the region of 13,000 days old. In all that time, until a couple of months ago, I’d never actually had a coffee before. I’d taken a few sips and recoiled in disgust, but never more than that. To be fair I’ve always had too much energy, so I never really needed it even after long nights.

It’s actually been a running joke that I can’t make a coffee, quoted even at my wedding. Basically, my former boss asked me to make two black coffees and one white while we were sitting in front of two of our most reputable suppliers., I whispered (but clearly audible) that I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, but he shoo’d me away to get it done while they continued talking.

I tried Google, but it confused me even more. So I entered the caretaker’s room for help, but of course nobody was around which must’ve been the first time in history. I looked around at the 500 mugs, the endless coffee/tea options… One was labelled gold? I guess that’s not the white one? See, in my head I thought of it like dark and white hot chocolate, so I was searching for a white powder. This is, of course, insanity to me now, but back then I had zero understanding of coffee and tea, nothing. I got pissed off, put any old shit (no measurements) in 3 cups and gave it to them. To their horror I had made 3 really really shit black coffees, and I’ve never heard the last of it. Also, a couple of years ago I made a coffee for a contractor who built our flatpack shed for us, and he left it to go cold rather than drink it. Damn.

Fast forward 10 years later after the birth of our son, I began to struggle (and still do) with broken sleeps, and waking up early. My wife suggested I have some of her vanilla latte and while I wasn’t thrilled, I’d take anything to help. A couple of years leading up to this I had been enjoying coffee candy Hopjes to my surprise, it had the taste without the bitter I guess. So I think I had grown accustomed to the coffee flavour itself over time. Of course, it’s been discontinued now 😭.

Hopjes – Discontinued in 2025 💔

Anyway, I drank it with a grimace but noticed quickly I was wide awake not long after. It actually bloody worked. I began doing it more often until it became a daily thing I have, even multiple times a day now, even at coffee shops.

I still can’t make a good coffee, I follow my wife’s instructions to the exact atom but they end up tasting very differently. I’m finding I’m liking less milk and more coffee now too, god knows what I’ll be drinking in 5 years from now 😱.